Cameron Diaz

One of my favorite shows on these seasons is the Bill Maher show. Earlier tonight, Bill had Cameron Diaz on. She was fascinating, of course. In conversation of herself she said something like...

(This is a botched paraphrase from Cameron Diaz’s interview with Bill Maher with my thoughts mixed in. How true it is.

When you come into a relationship another person that person arranges into their head the person you are. People are much more complex than that. We grow, we change, we metamorph into something else. A Person cannot be boxed into what another person arranges in their head for them. It’s impossible to fulfill. Impossible for either person to grow into someone else…which is nature’s way in growing older.

I really really like the concept of this thought. Think about it. I mean, dwell on it for awhile. Just dwell.

Facebook!!! Yeah baby....

Whew, have I been inundated. I somehow got invited on and signed up. Well, I haven't stopped since. 22 old friends == New connections, old high school friends. What an incredible resource.

It's absolutely a boost to my morale to know that there are people out there who knew, know and still love me. Warm Fuzzies galore.

It's also nice to share what has been going on with me over the past 18 years with some people.

Now, is this the Facebook that our glorious GOP wants to eliminate because of the sinfulness? Can't believe it!

BTW!!!

Happy Gay Pride Los Angeles!

Springtime

It’s funny, when you have little to look forward to, it’s wonderful to look back and be thankful that your life was good. Or a least you had a good time in life.

As I sit some 121 miles from where I want to be the social isolation has literally put me in my own little world. I don’t know the fashion, I don’t know where the hot places are and most of all, I have no one to share my thoughts with. Oh I wish for a Café Flore in Sonora. Where onetime, I would sit for hours with friends talking about nothing but just having the feeling of community.
I remember the walks into the Castro my friend and I would take around 4 in the afternoons on Saturdays and Sunday’s. They seem like lazy days now but then they were so full of drama. We strolled along, we held hands. We were playful. We had a good time and the people who saw us knew we had a special bond.

The more the isolation surrounds me it’s easy to see why people just “settle” for someone else. Just because instinctively, we know the danger of being alone in our later years. Not even about having a legacy. Just about being 45+ and having someone to share insignificant things with.

Music takes me far away to a land I where I don’t feel alone. I place where I can sing better than anyone else. Where I am invigorated by the music; the swells, the harmonies; the alliteration. Thank God for music and the wonderful means of expression it brings.

Cancer! Shh!

Why does everyday bring new challenges and heartaches?

On Saturday morning, last week, I received a call from my sister. She advised me that Mom had cancer in her right lung, had given “Life Flight” from Walden to Fort Collins and was awaiting more answers from the doctors as to what the next steps were. At that time her Blood Pressure was 185. While the cardiac portion of the program was not an issue the growth and size of the tumor pressing upon the heart was.

My adopted mother had died of Colon Cancer, my dear Aunt Theda had died from Pancreatic Cancer and now finally, my birth mother was going to die of lung cancer. I guess sometimes you just can’t win.

Upon some testing, they found that the cancer (tumor) was squamish cell, which apparently means slow growing. They will administer three additional tests and if they are positive, they will remove the entire right lung. Apparently her present lung capacity if 20% coming from the left lung. If this tests do not prove well, they will use Chemo and Radiation to reduce the size of the tumor and then remove only the tumor.

Luckily the survival rate for removing the entire lung is 75%. Those are pretty good odds but still not the best.

(While I normally try to make sense grammatically, this time I most likely won’t be.)

Please forgive.

Animal Control

An animal was put down today. And while the owner is angry and sad and has lost a friend, this animal spent it’s life grubbing for food, cowering from logs hurled in the air and scratching severe flea infestations. This dog fought for every bit of food he got while holding up his strong yet boney frame. This dog was a companion to one. This dog was never taught to “down” or “stay” only to “get it”. While It was the third notable attack that brought it’s demise, this animal was encouraged to go after squirrels and for the most part, I think viewed small dogs as squirrels or small game. Surprisingly, the owner never expressed remorse for the victims it thrashed. This animal was taught to curiously defend his Master, no matter what.

It is a fine line we endeavor to define. One of humanity and civility. Of care for our humanity we must never lose sight of. For It separates us from other creatures yet nevertheless deepens the care in which we must take of them. We choose to tame our charge with respect for their anmal lives. Our humanity shines through.

January 4, 1960

A day to remember. 49 years ago.

Multiple Events

It is amazing how an event can trigger multiple events in our lives.

Mark and Kevin’s Wedding on October 9th. Not knowing about it until October 6th or 7th.

All the crap between the candidates during the last weeks of the election. The election on November 4. Karel being fired from KGO on November 1st.

Remembrances of my mother’s death 28 years and 3 minutes ago.

I am happy for Mark and Kevin.

The anger that arose in me every time Sarah Palin spoke…or didn’t. The pundits: O’Reilly, O’Hannity, and all the rest. Hatemonger’s.

Listening to Karel over the past few years and his termination the night before the election. Unbelievable. Karel is an Icon to me. A Brilliant creation.

For some odd reason I missed the Obama speech on election night. I had Tivo’d it and watched it last night. The tears, the joy, the hope, the change.

And of course, 28 years ago to the minute of lying down in my bed knowing I would never have the love and companionship of my mother again.

Maybe this is my “October Surprise”.