Depression

Why are the holidays always so damn depressing for me? Every year it seems. I just can't figure it out. I mean, here we are...a day away from Christmas and I'm feeling like shit!

I guess a couple hours with a therapist might be in order.

I can't help but remember who is not here, who is gone, who had an impact on my life...especially the holidays. On Christmas' past and all that.

There is no question about life changing and furthermore the need to grow where life wants you to grow but really.

Fuck the turkey, fuck the shopping, fuck the crowds, fuck the gifts (not that I"m giving any) and fuck everyone else for that matter.

It might make a difference if I weren't trapped into the life I'm in. If I had someone special in my life to share it with but I'm a bit beyond my father. Playing this waiting game, if you will.

All for now.